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I just came home from SAJC.

The campus is beautiful. And huge. Beautiful and huge, yes. Do you know how awkward it is to be in a school that you don't attend? If you don't, just let me tell you:

It is Very Awkward.

Especially if you have no idea what the hell you're doing there. That is, aside from handing in forms that have weird deadlines.

You know what? Forget it. It was just an hour of fascination, awkwardness and confusion all rolled into... 60 minutes, I guess. I think Ger was the most eager to get leave. Nothing much worth mentioning. Saw a couple of bowlers from SJI, RI, MSH and CHS? No girls. At all.

Suddenly I am filled with all sorts of doubts and worry hounding me like a pack of rabid wolves after their supper. (If you will forgive the odd analogy)

What if I can't fit in? What if I don't meet the expected standards? What if I fail? What if they don't like me?

... so many questions, so many ifs, so many worries... It suddenly occurs to me that I really, really don't want to enter into the junior college on my own, even if it's where I really want to be. Ryl wants to make it there, so does Steph and Rachel. I'm already half sure that Clare and Anne will back out at the last minute and go to like, TJC or VJC in the end >F I don' t know. I really don't. I hate being ostracized. I mean, who wouldn't? Now I'm just plain scared and doubtful.

I want to have fun and yet be able to finish my tertiary education well enough to see me to the states for University.

... I should finish my History SBQ now, right? Right.